The other night we where hanging out with friends, I was sharing some of my upbringing with them. We laughed, compared childhoods, and over all it was great conversation between friends. To tell you the truth, I find myself enjoying talking about my past because I so often feel like a foreigner in a strange land. I am a California girl living in Texas. And I have come to understand that not everyone is accepting of people who are different. I am not saying everyone I have met here is like that, but the ones I have met have made a lasting impression on me. I don’t relate with almost anyone when it comes to the way I grew up. When I am amongst friends and we talk openly, I talk about my past in a humorous way. And sometimes we get serious and talk about the deeper parts of my past. After our time together, I got ready for bed, laid down and went to sleep. Problem is I kept waking up. I would fall back asleep because I was so tired but I was restless. When my husband got up to go to work and I had to nurse the baby at 6 a.m. I started thinking about my restlessness. Why was I so uneasy? I kept reminiscing the conversation we had the night before and I felt unsettled. It was then that my husband walked in and I started sharing with him how I felt. I told him how I realized that talking about the past made me relive the person I use to be. And I hated that person. I was very guarded. I was angry. I was feisty. It’s funny when you share a story about a teenager who would speak her mind or had to stop someone in their tracks to not be disrespected. But the truth is, that teenager was always afraid. I always felt unprotected. I had to be tough to protect myself. In my early teens I became so tough. No one could tell me anything. I hated the world. In my late teens I made a lot of mistakes. Trying to figure out who I wanted to be but not having a clue of what I was doing. I did not respect authority. I stopped going to church and as soon as I could move out, I did. I was 18 when I moved out of my parents house. My sisters and I did. It was a difficult time in our family, and it led to a very young girl acting like an adult. Thankfully I surrendered to God when I was 20 years old. I realized my life was a disaster, I didn’t know what I was doing and I needed Him. I needed my Father’s guidance. I needed to feel protected. I needed His love. I needed Him to strip me of everything the world made me and bring me back to the Linda He intended me to be. It was a hard process. Letting go. I didn’t know how to let go? I was so independent and a control freak. It was almost painful. But that was the best decision I ever made! He transformed me. He showed me what living truly was. And He allowed me to finally feel protected. The purpose He gave my life and the freedom He gave me when I realized He was in control and I could rest was priceless! Needless to say, my husband prayed with me that morning and I went right back to bed. I thank God He brought me to this foreign land, Texas. The old Linda seems so distant now. I know that would’ve been much harder if I were still in my home town. Sometimes the enemy wants to bring oppression back into our lives. He wants to make us feel like we are still the same person. It is in those moments that we can call on Jesus and ask Him to intervene on our behalf. The accuser can no longer accuse us. Jesus paid the price for you and me. The debt is paid. Live in that freedom!
“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace.” Ephesians 1:7
The gift Jesus gave me when He redeemed me is a gift that brings joy to me over and over. It wasn’t a one time gift for me. I rejoice every time I am feeling not worthy and I call on Him and He reminds me that I am His now. Thank you Jesus! I live for Him because He died for me. Whether you have accepted Jesus into your heart or not. If you are struggling with guilt, pain, shame, inadequacy, trauma, anxiety, anything that makes you feel hopeless, know that you can ask Jesus into your heart and accept His gift of redemption. The Bible tells us that when we accept Jesus we are a new creation.
“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17
And you can always call on Him to intervene and show you who He created you to be. It might sound too good to be true. But I promise you, He is the real deal! I pray for peace over your life. And I pray that God would reveal Himself to us more and more every day.
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9
I pray you feel like the new creation He made you. Worthy and loved.
My email is here if you need anything or would like to contact me.
With love, Linda